She’s not herself right now.

Her head doesn’t know how to feel.

She’s zoning out, and questioning everything while holding back tears when she desperately wants to cry.

I guess it’s all part of the struggle.

But, I didn’t handle it well.

I went insane, lost my spark, bled in silence, shattered in private, and wore a smile that lied better than any mask could.

You made her doubt herself.

She would’ve given you everything you wanted.

All she asked for in return was reassurance.

But instead, you ignored her effort.

Now she doesn’t speak up, reach out, or trust.

She is the way she is because she’s never once been someone’s first choice.  

She’s trying to work through her depression and anxiety without bothering anyone.

She cares for you too much to ruin your day by talking about what’s “in her head.”

She’s still here, and she still loves you.

She doesn’t mean to push you away, she’s just trying to protect you while trying not to drown.

She’s just having a tough time right now..

As much as I wanted it to be you, you really showed me how much you didn’t want it to be me, and I need to accept that.

So I just stare at my phone, typing and erasing, carrying thoughts ill never send, feelings you’ll never understand.        

I don’t stay alive because I want to.

I stay alive because I promised to.

If only they knew how heavy it feels to keep a promise I never wanted to make.   

I drained myself trying to make things better for you.

I waited for your texts, gave you space, and let you reach out whenever you felt like it.

Suddenly, everything i post – my tiktoks, my stories, my playlists – seems to be about you.

I sat and cried because I had no choice but to accept the decision you made.

It felt like my world was crumbling, piece by piece, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

I wanted to beg you, to fall apart and show you how much I couldn’t bear to lose you.

But instead, I sat there, silent and broken, whispering through my tears “please don’t leave.”

The words felt so small, so helpless against the weight of the pain.

The ache in my chest was unbearable, and yet, all I could do was cry.

I don’t even know if you’ll ever understand what I gave.

What I hoped for, or what it cost me to walk away. 

I stayed when I already knew i wasn’t your priority.

I saw the signs.

I felt the distance.

I wanted to believe I mattered.

But the truth is, I was only ever an option.

You left me with silence.

With loose ends.

I dont want to keep wondering, or hurting.

I deserve peace.

So, I’m letting this go.

We never talked about it but we both knew it was ending.

The silence was heavy like a goodbye neither of us could say.

Some endings don’t come with closure – just distance and the quiet grief of knowing that what we had was already gone.

You made me believe it was real when it never was.

You let me give everything.

My time.

My heart.

My softness.

And when I had nothing left, you disappeared.

I excused your silence.

I explained your distance.

I held on to the version of you i built out of hope.

But maybe there was never a we.

Just me – loving loud.

You – taking quietly.

You didn’t break me.

You drained me.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Until I stopped asking for anything at all.

And now.

You don’t get to miss someone you chose to let go.

You never missed me.

You just missed how easy it was to be someone’s entire world.

It almost became something real.

Almost.

We talked every day.

Sent each other voice notes just to feel less alone.

You told me things you hadn’t told anyone, and I believed that meant something.

It felt close.

Like the start of something that could’ve been good.

But then you slowed down.

Pulled back.

Stopped replying with the same warmth.

Like I was too much for something that was never meant to become anything.

And maybe that’s on me – for thinking ‘almost’ was a promise.

But the truth is, you were never confused.

You just liked the attention more than the connection.

And I was never your person – just the placeholder that made you feel less lonely for a little while.

All those promises.

All those words you threw at me.

They were never real.

You played me.

I let myself fall for it.

You never chose me.

You kept me in your life as long as it was easy.

All I wanted was consistency, honesty, and some kind of future.

But to you it was just words and empty promises.

 You left me with silence, with loose ends, with the  weight of trying to forget someone who never made me feel chosen.

Your absence says enough.

I could reach out, but I know it wouldn’t change anything.

You didn’t just walk away, you made me feel like I was never enough to begin with.