and then one day, everything changed..

I have had so much going on these last few months health wise. So I decided to document my journey, so that one day when I beat all of this, I can look back on it all.


𝗛𝗶𝗶𝗶, 𝗶𝗺 𝗡𝗶𝗸𝗶𝗶, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿.

November 4th, 2025..

Today i had an appointment with a gynecologist, and received some scary news… I may have uterine cancer, or pre cancer cells.. I had a biopsy done, (Which was painful as fuck, btw) and a pap test. we will know more December 16th.

November 20. 2025..

Today i had an appointment for my pap test results. Apparently my results are extremely abnormal, and I am in the bracket for cervical cancer. I am being referred to the hospital for further, very invasive testing in the next week or two. I see my doctor again on December 16th for my uterine biopsy results.

I have Cervical Cancer… will I have uterine cancer as well?

Life is currently sucking.. 🖤

𝑊𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑤.

𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝. 𝐀 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐟𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬, 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞. 🖤

I wish I could be the person he wanted.

If one day we go back to being strangers, it’s okay.

That doesn’t mean I hate you, or I’ve forgotten about you.

It just simply means that I am giving you back your peace.

I want you to live your life the way you deserve it.

Meeting you and falling in love with you wasn’t a mistake.

We were an open tab. An unsent message. A song that stopped mid-verse.

You didn’t block me.

You didn’t unfriend me.

You just stopped choosing me, and somehow that hurt more than goodbye.

One day I was the first person you texted. The one you laughed with. The one you vented to, and the one you counted on.

Then slowly you stopped replying, stopped sharing things, stopped showing up.

No fight.

No explanation.

Just silence.

The worst part.. you still exist in my world.

Can i ask you a question?

𝐶𝑎𝑛 𝐼 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟?

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡’𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑦 𝑓𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑜. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑦. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢’𝑑 𝑑𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝐶𝑎𝑛 𝐼 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟?
𝐼’𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛.🖤

I tell people im tired, because it’s easier.

It seems the only way to escape it, is to completely detach.

But if you detach too much, you begin to dissipate, dissociate, and dissolve into the abyss.

So I’ll go down this road again, and let my mind fool me another time, but i know how this ends.

Not sad. Not happy. Just empty.

The hot sun was starting to feel like a dagger, and the dread of the next day was creeping in.

Your thoughts don’t make sense, your body doesn’t feel like yours, and the world outside feels distant.

Stretched thin by life

The light in my mind seemed dim.

The voice in my head was slowly suffocating me.

This emptiness clings to me.

I try to ignore it, try to smile through it, but when I’m alone, it all comes crashing down.

The silence becomes unbearable, and the tears come without warning.

I wish I could just disappear for a while, maybe forever.

I never realized how much my trauma affected me

They said something, not even realizing it cut deep, and suddenly, everything went silent except for the voices in my head.

It was like they were screaming at me, and I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

All I wanted was to run, to escape, to be somewhere far away from those words, from this feeling.

Maybe my tone betrayed me or my emotions got tangled up in the words

There are words you swallowed, phrases that got stuck in your throat, and silences that screamed inside you.

Every mark on your skin is a story you have lived, a battle you have won.

You broke in ways no one saw.

You screamed in silence.

You smiled while bleeding out.

 She didn’t want to be perfect, she just wanted to be seen.

But no one saw.

No one ever stayed long enough to notice when I disappeared.

I did my best to be everything.

But I didn’t realize how empty I’d feel. 

 

Im sorry for walking into your life

If you’re done with me, or you’ve lost interest, just be honest.

Don’t slowly disappear, don’t ignore my messages, and don’t respond like you never cared.

That silent distance, those cold replies – they hurt more than the truth ever could.

I’d rather honesty than be left wondering what I did wrong.

If you don’t feel the same anymore just say it.

Don’t break me by fading out like I never mattered.

The moment I realized

All the words he said, the promises, the little moments – I thought they were just ours.

But I realized they weren’t, and something in me broke.

I saw your message hours ago

I didn’t forget to reply.

I just didn’t know how to respond to someone who watched me fall apart.

You said “hey” like we didn’t die quietly between texts.

Like i didn’t cry over a one word answer.

Like you weren’t the reason I started triple checking if I’m being “too much.”

So no.

Im not ignoring you.

Im just done pretending.

You didn’t see her pain.

I’m not tough.

My heart drops to my stomach whenever someone I love seems off.

I self-sabotage.

I have the worst anxiety.

I constantly compare myself to others, and I worry I am not enough.

She was already carrying more than she ever admitted.

Silently fighting battles you never even noticed.

She was struggling to hold herself together.

Questioning her worth, drowning in overthinking, and stretched thin by life.

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